I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize