I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
