the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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