I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
