Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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