Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
