South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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