Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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