Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
