What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
