I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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