Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
