Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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