You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
