Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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