I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
