WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
