you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
