Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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