at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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