Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
