U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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