yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
