I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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