She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
