I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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