my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
