Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
