She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
