we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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