Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
