rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
