found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
