I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
