D3 body, D1 cock
so explain again why im purple
no
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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