normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
