his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
