yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
