After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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