So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
