I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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