the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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