I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
