dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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