is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
