The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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