By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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