No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
