Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
