you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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