Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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