are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
