i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
