My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
