doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
