my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
