4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize