My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
