Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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