I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
