I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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