Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
