oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I am mentally ready for anal.
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