Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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