Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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