I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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