She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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