yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
