He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
