gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
