It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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