If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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