The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
