i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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