just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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