Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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