Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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