there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
