It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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