That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
